My 20 Year Journey

On October 20th, I received some of the best news of my life.  My last project paper for school passed.  What started out as a journey in 1994 is finally over.   I am now officially a college graduate.  Words can't even express how I feel right now.   Not gonna lie, I went home from work that day and was dancing around my house like Rerun on "What's Happening".

 There was a point where I only had 4 classes left and I honestly wanted to quit.  Luckily I knew this was foolish and I persevered.    Then I had two classes left.   I had a technical writing class which meant I needed to write a project proposal paper about 20-25 pages in length.   My paradox is I'm actually good at writing, but I hate doing it.   It was at this point where I felt like I would never finish, but with my wife cheering me on I finished that paper in less than 7 days.   Last class left was to write another paper on the completion of the project, also 20-25 pages.    I spent 10 hours straight on Sunday writing that paper and I submitted it for grading.

I could hardly concentrate at work the next day, as I kept checking Taskstream to see where my paper was at in the queue.   I started off as number 9 that Sunday night, and I was still number 9 in the queue when I got to work Monday morning.  Then a few hours later I was number 6.   About two hours before the end of work I saw my paper was being reviewed.   I don't know if I've ever been more anxious in my entire life.   At this point there was no point in even trying to concentrate on work anymore as I kept anxiously hitting the refresh button every 15 minutes.

When I saw that the paper had passed, I threw my hands in the air like Rocky.  My co-workers looked at me like I was crazy but I didn't care.   I was so happy I didn't know what to do with myself.  I immediately sent a text to my wife and my siblings.  It still hasn't TRULY set in yet that I'm finally done with my Bachelors.  And anyone who tells you that all online degrees are easy, obviously never attended Western Governors University because that school is NOT easy.  You will definitely EARN your degree.

Graduation will be in Orlando at Disney, so my wife and I plan to make a mini-vacation out of the weekend.  For those of you out there thinking about going back to school or trying to finish up, you can do it!   What worked for me is I would visualize myself sitting in the crowd listening to the graduation ceremony.   I also envisioned myself walking across the stage to get my diploma.    

Back on the Swingset

So the wife and I created our AFF (adultfriendfinder) profile this week.   Surprisingly (well, not really) the majority of the people on there are the same people who were on there two years ago.

Obviously, the single guys are still dumb and illiterate.  Even though it clearly states "No Single Guys" on our profile, the majority of the flirts and messages we get are from guys.  It's no wonder single guys get such a bad rep on swinger sites.    We've also recently discussed wanting to meet more couples, and we're open to the idea of doing a soft swap with the right couple.    Most of the single females I see on there are the same flakes from before.    I don't really think we'll end up meeting a female on the website, but I guess it's worth a shot.

I'm thinking we'll probably end up going to the swinger clubs again to find a female, but hopefully we can meet some cool couples as well.   We just have to be very careful this time to not let it mess up our marriage.
  

Unicorn Strategy: The Hunt For Pink

My wife and I went for a walk yesterday.    She surprised and said she'd been thinking about how we're going to find our single female.    She said she was thinking we should create another profile on adultfriendfinder to find someone.   Create the profile just long enough for us to find someone, have the threesome, then delete the profile.   She also said we can start going to some meet and greets, and she's also open to the idea of it being someone we already know, and she specifically mentioned the female that contacted me last week.

I'm open for all of that, but if it's a female that we already know it needs to be someone we both really like.   I did give my wife's phone number to the female that contacted me and my wife offered to meet her for drinks, so maybe they'll get along well enough to broach the subject.   As far as adultfriendfinder goes, I just hope we don't run across a bunch of flaky females like we did the last time.   I also hope some of the couples we used to play with that wrote us off don't try to contact us either.   Don't know if we'll have too much luck at the meet and greets, as most of the women we run into aren't our type.   Perhaps we'll go buy another membership at the swingers club and start visiting more often.  At this point, it's exciting to see that she's willing to do whatever it takes to find our unicorn.

Ahhhh, the thrill of the hunt.

Don't Tell Women EVERYTHING

So today I get an email from one of our former swinger friends.    Haven't heard from her in almost two years.  She and her husband came to the very first swingers party we ever hosted.   Funny thing is that we never got to have sex or even kiss one another.   I remember we were sitting on the couch at our party talking, and she told me to go upstairs and get a condom.   I got the condom and came back downstairs.   I was sitting on the couch with the condom on my erection, then she and a few other people walked outside for a smoke.   So she left me just sitting on the couch with a condom on my hard dick...LOL.   Funny times. She and her husband ended up moving to a different state a few months later.

So she hit me up out of the blue today asking how the two of us were doing.  She also said she left her husband and moved back to the state, but lives about two hours away.  I sent a reply and said it was good to hear from her, and asked how she's doing.

So as I'm replying to the email, I'm thinking if I should even tell my wife I got the email.   I think about it for a few minutes, and figure that the best thing to do would be to tell my wife so I don't feel like I'm hiding anything.  I text my wife about the email, and forwarded the email along with my reply.

Of course her reply is:  Hmmm, interesting that she still has your email.        Every dude out there reading this already knows what kind of "talk" we're going to have when we both get home from work.   Soon as I read her reply email I knew it was a mistake to tell her about the email.   Women always say they want you to be honest and upfront with them, and THIS is why it's usually not worth the hassle.   Shit, SHE is the one who cheated while we were swinging, not me.  We don't swing anymore, but we both have said we still like to have swinger/open-minded friends because we'd love to do a group trip to a clothing-optional resort one day.

Sometimes it's just better to keep your mouth shut......lesson learned.

 

The End of Swinging: Unicorn Search

So awhile ago I asked my wife for one last threesome, and then also one last party so we can end our swinging on a positive note.

She thought about it for a few days, and she told me that she doesn't think she can do another party/orgy.     She feels like it would open the doors to her wanting other men again, and given everything that happened she doesn't want to take that chance.    I can completely understand where she's coming from, because it would almost be like asking a former alcoholic to go to a bar.

She said she was also struggling with the idea of letting me have intercourse with another woman.   Oral sex and everything else she is okay with, she just didn't know if she would be comfortable with me being inside another woman.   She thought more about it and she agreed that we could have one last threesome, but she wasn't sure if she wanted it to be a woman she really trusts or a complete stranger that we would never see again.

I told her that we would not just take the first woman that comes along.   Since it's going to be the last time, I want it to be a really sexy woman that we are both attracted to.   So then my wife decided that it would probably be best if it was a stranger.   So I guess it's time we start hitting up the swinger clubs again in search of a unicorn.   I just hope my wife doesn't do like the last time and actually puts forth some effort to find another woman.   *Crossing fingers*

Mak Nuk Village Review (Clothing Optional)

The wife and I are always interested in checking out new clothing-optional/swinger resorts.   In my opinion, there's nothing like being able to walk around naked and everyone else is naked too.   It also means a lot less hassle when trying to pack your luggage.   Also, we don't want to hear other people's screaming kids when we're on vacation so nude resorts are great for that.   We hadn't had a true vacation in two years, so this summer we checked out Mak Nuk Village in Tulum, Mexico.

It's a small but beautiful resort.   Being pretty new, all of the rooms are in excellent condition.   This isn't your typical hotel room, as the rooms are actually condos that have owners but are rented out.   We stayed in a 1 bedroom condo that had a full kitchen, living room, and a full sized refrigerator.   The condo we stayed in seemed like it was about 1000 sq ft in size.    The floors were nicely tiled (Travertine I think) and we stayed in a swim-up suite.    There were gigantic sliding glass doors leading out to the pool.   Pro Tip:  If you're staying for more than 3 days, pay the extra and go with the 1 bedroom condo, not the studio suite.     

As nice as the rooms were, I really...REALLY want to give this place 5 stars...but I just can't.   Granted the rooms are 5 star, I'll give them that.   You'll fly into Cancun, and it's about an hour and a half drive to the Tulum area of Mexico.    When we booked our reservation with the resort, we also paid extra for round trip transportation to and from the resort.     Pro Tip:   If you've never flown into Cancun before, when exiting the airport ignore EVERYONE who is offering you transportation.   They are ALL timeshare people trying to suck you in.   They will lie and tell you anything to get you to stop by your booth.    The first one who approached us asked what transportation company we were using.  We told them, and they directed us to a particular guy.   Of course as soon as he pulled out a map I knew he was trying to bullshit us, and we walked away.   Another "official" looking person approached us and pointed to a particular guy, and said this was the guy from our transportation company.   Again another attempt at a timeshare.   If you've booked private transportation, the guy will be waiting for OUTSIDE the airport and will have a sign with your name on it.

When we arrived, there were only two other couples staying there, and one of the couples left the next morning.    So for three days there was only one other couple there, and then for our last three days we literally were the only couple there.   It made for a relaxing time, but to be honest some days we got a little bored and wished there were people to talk to.  So if you're looking for a fun week, I would suggest going on a week where there is a lifestyle takeover or a special event.  You may also want to book a 1/2 day tour (we went snorkeling in a cenote, also went to the Mayan ruins)    Also because of this, there was no free shuttle to take us to their nude beach.    

One complaint is the beach owned by the resort is like 40 minutes away, and they said there is literally nothing there at that beach so we'd have to bring our own drinks and food.   Also since no one was hardly there at the resort, there was no cook or anything so we had to fend for ourselves for meals.  You can buy a weeks worth of food at the supermarket for about $100.  Our room was only $160 a night, so I won't complain about this much.  One of the days we took a taxi to a different resort so we could use their beach.  Most resorts will charge you $10 a chair if you are not a guest, but they will serve you drinks and food.  Usually with most of them if you order food and a few drinks they won't bother you about paying for the chairs. 

One knock on the resort is that it's on a dark, isolated street.   You'll have to walk a few blocks before you finally get on the main road where there are places to eat, and vendors.    Just make sure you plan accordingly so you aren't walking back down that road in the pitch dark.   I'm a guy who can handle myself in a fight, but I was nervous walking back to the resort with my wife because it's so dark, and thick bushes and trees are on each side of the street.   I would honestly suggest renting a car because of this, and also the supermarket is about a 30 minute walk.  Otherwise you'll want to get the manager to call a taxi for you.

Another knock on the resort is they have no cable or satellite TV.   They do have free WiFi and they have Apple TV.    Apple TV doesn't do any good though unless you already have a subscription to Netflix, Hulu, etc.    Granted if there had been more people at the resort to interact with, we probably wouldn't have been in the room that much.    I ended up doing a free month trial of Netflix just so we'd have something to watch.  Also the tap water is not drinkable, so it can be a little bit of a hassle to brush your teeth.    The water and ice from the fridge come from bottled water, so that's safe.

I hate to say it, but the resort had an ant problem as well.     The other couple told us there were a lot of ants in their room when they checked in, and they made the maintenance staff spray for ants.   We didn't see any when we checked in so we didn't really think about it.   Then one evening we left a plate of cookies on the kitchen counter and left for a few hours to go shopping for souvenirs.   When we came back, there were tons of ants everywhere, and there was a long line of ants coming in from the next room.   Took us a while to clear out all the ants and we had to leave our garbage can outside because they were in there as well.   Pro Tip:    Put down a line of dish soap when you see where the ants are coming from.   The ants won't cross that line.

Overall, I'm going to give this resort 3.5 stars.   We're willing to give this resort another try since new resorts often have little problems to work out that will be gone by the next time you visit.   I would suggest giving the resort a try because we've heard through the grapevine that they will be increasing their prices soon.   I would also be willing in a few years the area they are in won't be so isolated anymore as other companies will start building there as well.   Tulum itself is a great place to visit because most of the tourists are in Cancun and Playa Del Carmen so it's less busy and more laid back.    

     

Swing Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

So as some of you know, I'm a big advocate of the book "No More Mr Nice Guy".   If you're a guy who's been "too nice" to women all your life, go buy the book NOW.  Like a typical nice guy, we're often afraid of rocking the boat in a relationship by asking for what we want.   We're the kind of guys who focus on trying to make our women and others happy, often at the expense of our own happiness.   Thankfully I am learning to no longer be like this.

I was supposed to get a threesome for my birthday, but that fell through.   I also found out that my wife and our friend had agreed that we could do everything EXCEPT for intercourse.   I don't know about you, but in my mind I don't feel that's a TRUE threesome.

So this past weekend, I told my wife how I felt about everything.   I was nervous while doing it, but I felt that I needed to express my desires to her.  I told her that I want a TRUE threesome, and an orgy to finish our swinging with a bang.    In my earlier blogs I've talked extensively about the events that led up to us no longer swinging, and to be honest I don't like the way it all ended.    I want things to end on a more positive note with good memories instead of frustration and anger.  I knew my wife might get angry or upset over me asking for this, but I figured what the hell.   A closed mouth doesn't get fed, and you'll never get what you want in life if you don't ask or go after it.  

My wife asked me "So if you get the threesome and we have another party/orgy, will you then be satisfied?".
Honestly I hadn't given it a whole lot of thought because I expected her to say no.   I had to think about it for a day or two.   I remembered how I would always be frustrated after we would host a swingers party, because things would never go as planned.  My wife would either forget about me while she was off with other men, or there wouldn't be enough available women, etc.   I didn't know if I wanted to go through that same frustration again, especially if I wanted to end the lifestyle on a positive note.

I thought about it long and hard.   I also remembered how frustrating it was to try and find a single female for our one and only threesome.   Did I really want to go through that again.   After thinking about it, I told my wife that yes, yes I would be completely done with swinging if I was able to get a threesome and then later plan our last swingers party.   I figure that this time, I will not be in such a rush to find a woman for our threesome.   I'll take my time and pick a really awesome female that my wife and I are both attracted.   So it may take up to 2 years to find that right woman, but that's okay.    Also if we throw another party, we will be extremely selective about who we invite so that BOTH of us have a good time.   I figure if this is going to be our last hurrah, we better make it worth our time.

Surprisingly, my wife was actually receptive to the idea, but she said she wanted some time to think about it before giving me an answer.   Wish me luck guys!



  

Threesome Surprise

So for my birthday, we planned on spending the day at the nude beach, then having a cookout at house with a few people.   Little did I know, that my wife was going to surprise me with a threesome also.   My wife had a family member pass away, so we had to reschedule my birthday celebration.    No big deal right?

Wrong.   The single female who was going to help give me the threesome has decided to work things out with ex, so she's now off the market.  It took my wife a whole year to decide to give me another one to make up for what she did, and our friend was the only single female that she really trusts.   Ain't that a bitch???    Sometimes you just can't win for losing.....LMAO.    I think I give up on ever getting another threesome, it's just not meant to be.

  

Insanity Final Results

I'll keep this short and sweet.  Here are my final Insanity results.  I'm pretty happy with my results, but I'm motivated to lose at least another 20 lbs.   I've now moved on and have started doing Tapout XT workouts. I've gone down two full pant sizes, and my confidence is through the roof.   Also as before, I'm starting to notice more women looking in my direction since I've lost some weight and have toned up, and my wife has noticed women looking at me as well.  

Fit Test 1                                                                      Fit Test 5

Weight:   253                                                                Weight:  233

Switch Kicks:     43                                                       Switch Kicks:   70

Power Jacks:      40                                                       Power Jacks:    65

Power Knees:     70                                                      Power Knees:    110

Power Jumps:     16                                                      Power Jumps:     43

Globe Jumps:      7                                                        Globe Jumps:      9

Suicide Jumps:    7                                                        Suicide Jumps:    15

Pushup Jacks:     21                                                      Pushup Jacks:     40

Low Plank Obl:  17                                                      Low Plank Obl:   50

Insanity Fit Test IV

I decided to do my Fit Test on my Rest Day instead of doing it tomorrow.   Only have two more weeks of working out to go before I'm finished with the program.  I can't believe I let myself get so out of shape in the first place.    I've noticed that my self-confidence is through the roof and I am usually positive and upbeat instead of walking around being lethargic and pessimistic.   I've also noticed that more women seem to be looking in my direction these days.   Maybe it's because I walk around with my head held up high now and I'm always smiling, people are always more attracted to people that are confident about themselves.   This seems to have also carried over to work as well, as I seem to be more productive. I've gone down a pants size, and I think I'm about 5 lbs away from being down yet another pants size.

Also I've noticed that sex is WAY more enjoyable when you are in better shape.   Here's another incentive for men as well.  When you're fat, some of the base of your penis starts to get hidden by that fat, making your erection appear smaller than it really is.   When you start losing weight, you'll also notice your penis starts look better as well because there's not as much fat covering it up.  Combine that with my better endurance and stamina, and I feel like a porn star in my own bedroom.   My wife will testify to this as well.  *smile*   I wish I was in shape like this back when we were swinging.

I also broke past my 240 lb plateau I've been stuck at, so I'm pumped about that as well.  I added a little more protein to my diet so that seems to have helped.   I woke up this morning determined to improve in every exercise for the Fit Test and I met my goal.  I think I'll be looking pretty good when we go on vacation this summer.  

Weight:  238  (15 lbs lost)

                             Test 1             Test 2          Test 3              Test 4

Switch Kicks:        43                     53               62                    68

Power Jacks:        40                      52               55                   61

Power Knees:       70                     82                86                   100

Power Jumps:       16                     25                27                    37

Globe Jumps:        7                        8                  6                      9

Suicide Jumps:      7                       10                12                    14

Push-up Jacks:      21                   26                 29                    36

Low Plank Obl:    17                   31                 35                     45


  

Max Cardio + Insabe Abs = Passed Out

Yesterday I tried to do the impossible.    I tried to do Max Cardio and Insane Abs on the same day.   What the hell was I thinking.    I literally had to stop about 15 mins into Insane Abs.   I don't know if there is a more difficult ab workout, and if there is I sure as hell don't want to see it.

Insane Abs is 30 freaking minutes of just ab work, which is Insane by itself.   Then combine that with the fact that you're already worn out from Max Cardio which indirectly works your abs.   Shaun T must have been smoking crack to think people can do both.

On the bright side, I'm actually kinda excited for my next Fit Test.   I'm doing to do it on the Rest Day tomorrow instead of doing it with another workout like the calendar says.  

Insanity Fit Test III

I'll keep this short and sweet.    I royally screwed up two weekends ago and basically went on a "cheat weekend" as far as my diet.   I literally gained about 3 pounds over the course of three days because I was eating sausage dogs, cheeseburgers, fajitas, and drank way more alcohol than I should have.   Just goes to show you, no matter how hard you work out it will never overcome a bad diet.     My stepdaughter came to live with us for a week which meant I couldn't do the Cardio and Balance week, so I had to spend some time at the gym instead.   We went swimming on Saturday, and I did notice that I got a few more looks than normal.   I'm married so it's not like it REALLY matters, but it's always nice to notice a few women looking at you.

Trying to do my Fit Test and the Max Interval Circuit on Sunday back to back was BIG mistake.   I had to stop during the first cycle of exercises in the Circuit because I was having a hard time catching my breath and I started to feel dizzy.  Probably had a lot to do with the bad food I was eating, and not drinking enough water.  Anyway, here are my numbers:

Weight:   244  ( 9 lbs lost)
   
                           Test 1              Test 2            Test 3

Switch Kicks:         43                    53                 62
Power Jacks:          40                    52                 55
Power Knees:         70                    82                 86
Power Jumps:          16                   25                 27

Globe Jumps:            7                     8                   6
Suicide Jumps:          7                    10                  12
Push-up Jacks:         21                   26                  29
Low Plank Obl:        17                   31                  35

Eyes Wide Shut

So we went and checked out New Horizons this weekend.  It's a private property that also doubles as a place to host weddings.   Before we went in, my wife looked at me and said "If its just a bunch of older guys and their cute wives, promise we can leave after the tour.   Just so we're both on the same page."   I agreed and we headed in.

It was a pretty big place, almost 30,000 square feet.   They were serving appetizers upstairs before the tour started so went and grabbed a few bites.  There were a group of people sitting in one area upstairs.  Being in the Pacific Northwest you usually don't run into too many black females in the lifestyle, but there was a pretty light-skinned woman sitting with them.   We didn't want to just sit down with them and intrude on their conversation, so we sat kinda near them.   We had told ourselves we would be more sociable than usual, so my wife did join in with one part of the conversation, but the group didn't really seem that interested in talking to us.  Oh well.

By the time we did the tour, there were probably about 10 other couples on the tour as well.   There were some cute women, and there was another interracial couple there that definitely caught our eye.   Most of the couples seemed to be in their 40's and 50's as expected.    The place was very big, with lots of play areas and two hot tubs.   The hot tubs looked like they needed some updating though.  During some parts of the tour, I noticed the female half of the interracial couple making eye contact with me.    I smiled in her direction a few times.    Her guy that she was with was handsome, and I'm sure my wife wouldn't have minded hooking up with him if we were still into full swapping.

After the tour we went back downstairs, and more members were starting to come into the club.   Seemed like a good mix of people.   I thought it about it.    I guess for the price ($80 for an "out of area" membership, plus $125 entry fee for the night) I expected a lot more.    I think I was expecting some incredible upscale place like in "Eyes Wide Shut" or something.   The more I kept thinking about it, $200+ is a lot to spend for one night of fun.  All of their parties are usually $125 a night, plus if we came back in the future, we would have to pay an extra $40 for the "out of area" fee.   Plus it's like a 3.5 hour drive just to get there, so we also paid for a hotel room for the night.   In the end I just couldn't justify spending that amount of money just to watch and be watched.  For that amount of money we could buy a 3 month membership to Club Sesso and attend two parties.

As we were leaving, we saw this GORGEOUS interracial couple driving around looking for a place to park.  I waved them down to let them know we were leaving so they could have our spot.    The woman said hello to me.   She was so good-looking that it damn near made me want to go back and stay for the night.   Even my wife said she was a perfect 10.   Oh well, perhaps another weekend.

Swinging from a Female Perspective Part III: A Husband's Rebuttal

So not too long ago my wife wrote about her perspective on what happened when we used to swing.   I'll copy and paste what she wrote, along with my responses:

When rules are "lifted" it creates more opportunities for increased pleasure with others.  Which in turn creates more opportunities for your marriage to fail.  Pleasure takes over, after all that is the reason to begin in the lifestyle.  The excitement of being with someone new, the flattering, and increase in self esteem.  These are the reasons I continued to swing.  That heart pounding excitement of kissing and touching someone for the first time. The excitement of knowing other men were wanting me as I kissed, touched, and played with other women. That rush took over.  Before I knew it,I was so wrapped up in what I wanted, that I began to break the one rule we had left in place. We couldn't meet anyone alone without first talking to each other and both of us agreeing, and we could not have sexual contact when we met alone.  He was faithful in keeping that rule in place, I was the one who broke the rule.  And in my mind, it was easy to justify my actions; I simply reminded myself that he wanted this lifestyle


My response:   Yes the lifestyle was certainly intoxicating for us both.  Rules that we had in place to protect our marriage started going by the wayside.  For me too there was also a self-esteem boost, as the women I played with would always refer to me as handsome or sexy.   We men get a kick out of compliments just like women do.  In the first part of her blog, she says it took a while for me to convince her to start swinging, but that's not really the case as I really didn't have to "convince" her at all.  I did feel like if she could give other guys threesomes, why couldn't she give one to the guy who thought enough of her to marry her?




The more you get the more you want; the more you become like a drug addict.  The attention I was receiving from other men was like a drug for me.  I lost sight of my husband and began to take him for granted.  I focused on how to please these other men.  Allowing my attention, desire, and sexual pleasure to be given to them.  The more hall passes we had, the more I wanted.  The only free time we had as a couple turned out to be swinging with others; not time alone to reinforce our marriage.  I was no longer feeling jealous and found myself encouraging him to have other women.  He always complained after our house parties that I always have more fun.  This made me angry.  I was not his mommy, I was his wife.  If he didn't have fun it was his problem.  Yet he was always checking on me to make sure I was having fun.  I did not see at the time how selfish and all consumed I had become.  I kept thinking the more that he was being sexually satisfied by other women, the more time I could spend with other men.


My response:  At this point in our lives, we had our stepdaughter and grandchild living with us.   The only "US" time we really had was on her way home from work when she would call me while driving home.  My first clue that something weird was going on should've been the fact that I noticed she was calling me on her way home less and less.   I didn't really think much of it at the time though.

I also remember our first party very well.  The plan being since our party was around my birthday, she was going to round up a bunch of women for me so she could give me a threesome or foursome for my birthday.   That never happened.   Instead she spent the entire night upstairs in our bedroom with the door closed, having one on one sex with a total of four guys.  True, I am responsible for my own happiness and I should've just gotten a threesome right at the beginning, but it was something that I wanted to experience with my WIFE, and I figured she would come back downstairs sooner or later but she didn't.

 Finally I became frustrated and practically had to plead with some of the women at the party that my wish was to have a threesome.  Two women finally agreed, but as they were kissing on me everybody else came in the room too so it got ruined.   If it weren't for me going into our bedroom from time to time to check on my wife, I wouldn't have seen her for most of the night.  She didn't bother to see where I was at or if I was enjoying myself at all.   Seeing as how this was our first party, I was pretty upset that she basically forgot about me that night.





Well, there was one man in particular which soon became two men.  They had my full attention.  I continued to tell myself that they were the "safe" one's as they both lived a few hours away.  I mean how much trouble can you get into with that distance?  The answer...A LOT!!!  I spent time texting, emailing, and discussing my feelings, their feelings, what we wanted, and built one another up in each conversation to feed the ego.  One night I realized that my husband and I were sitting next to each other, not talking, or touching; only texting other people.  I pointed it out and my husband stopped the evening texting and I only slowed mine down. He noticed the change, he had to have; because shortly after that he began going through my emails and phone. I played it down, after all everyone in the lifestyle is sexting each other.  It is all part of the "game" to keep the attention of those you enjoyed sex with. 

My response:  In actuality, I was the one who pointed out that we were too busy texting other people.   Also it was THREE guys who caught her attention, not two.  There was also a fourth guy she cheated on me with, and this guy was an ex boyfriend of hers.




So who were these men who caught my attention and how?  The first man, Darrell was short lived.  We met at our house party.  He brought a lady friend since single men had to bring a female (it was my husbands birthday).  I drank and drank and then was taken upstairs by one of our guests, who was not of my liking in the bedroom; so shortly after we were in the room, peaking through the door was Darrell.  I motioned him to come in, pulled him down on the bed and whispered "thank you for coming in, please stay and save me". When the guest Ron walked out and saw Darrell taking off his pants, he left with a few angry comments.  Darrell came back for more and more of me.  Singling me out just enough that I was "impressed" at the attention as there were several women there.  Now granted he was with other women and me with other men.  I was in the bedroom all night with men coming in, joining in, then taking over.  But Darrell came back for more.  He said things that I would not expect from a swingers party (e.g. We have a connection that goes beyond sex.  If you were mine, I would never let another man touch you only the bitches, etc.)  all while looking in my eye and following with a passionate kiss.

My response:  Of course I now know all of this in hindsight, but there were actually two guys before she even met Darrell or we had our first party.  The first guy, his name is Garfield.  I'm going to use his real name because to me, he is a disrespectful, two-faced little bitch.   We met him on adultfriendfinder, and we quickly became friends.  I actually thought he was a cool guy, even somebody that I could become good friends with.  As time went on though, I noticed he seemed to text me less and less, and would only text my wife.  This should have been my first clue.  We played with him a few times and he always seemed respectful and I could tell my wife enjoyed the threesomes we would give her.

One day my wife came home from work and seemed to be in a really good mood.  She said if we were going to swing, we should do it all the way, and that she wanted a hallpass.  This immediately caught me off guard, as we never discussed a hallpass and we always played with each other in the same place.  I asked who she wanted one with, and she lied and said she didn't know.   Then about 30 mins later she said she had lunch with Garfield that day.  That immediately pissed me off because it was NEVER allowed that we could even just see someone without prior knowledge.   My wife said she didn't think it was a big deal, but I knew she was full of shit.  If she didn't think it was a big deal, she would've told me BEFORE they went to lunch.   My Spidey Senses were going off bigtime.

Later that night, I sat straight up in bed and looked at her.  She asked me what was wrong.   I asked her if she sucked Garfield's dick during lunch.  She looked down and said yes.  I was instantly fuming and pissed, and went to the other bedroom.  She came in there and apologized, saying how sorry she was for doing it, and it "just happened".   I asked her if they had sex and she said no.   She said she told Garfield it was okay so it wasn't his fault, it was all her fault.   She promised that it would never, EVER happen again.  I believed her.  This was on Saturday night.

That very next Thursday, my wife left work early and went to the ER because her stomach was hurting really badly.  I drove to meet her at the ER, and it turns out she had to have her gallbladder removed.  While they were getting her room ready, she had left her cellphone with me.   I looked at it and started reading the text messages from Garfield.   In reading, I discovered that she was actually going to get off work early that same day and go see Garfield if it hadn't been for her getting sick.  I asked her about it, and she said I was just blowing things out of proportion, that she was just going to tell him bye since he was flying to Jamaica (his home country) that next day.  I knew she was full of shit so I kept reading prior messages.  There were all these messages saying how much she missed him, and how she couldn't wait to be with him again.   Earlier that week he drove to her job and stopped by to see her on her break.   So just literally two days after telling me she wouldn't ever see him behind my back, she did it again and saw him a total of three times.   If it hadn't been for her getting sick, I never would've known.  Do you know how frustrating it is to be so pissed at someone but you can't yell and shout because you're in a hospital.   I honestly started to leave the hospital and let her be there by herself, but I just couldn't make myself be that mean.   There was one point where I was questioning her and I think I got a little loud because the nurse came and peeked her head in the door one time.  I spent a total of four nights sleeping by my wife's side while she stayed in the hospital.

I believed her when she said she lied to Garfield about our rules were, so I didn't blame him.  He hooked us up with a single female friend of his, and I thought that I would finally get my threesome.  Of course the REAL ulterior motive is that Garfield wanted a threesome with my wife and his friend, and also the friend was to "keep me occupied" so I wouldn't notice what was going on with Garfield and my wife.  My wife drove about 45 mins away to meet this female.  What I didn't know at the time was my wife had called one of her ex's who lived in the area so he could meet the two of them.  My wife says she did it because the female was complaining about not knowing any good black men, and my wife wanted them to meet.  When I asked the friend about it, she said that the guy and my wife were the main ones talking, and she felt like a third wheel.  The three of them ended up going to a hotel room.  My wife sucked his dick, but didn't fuck him since he didn't have a condom.   She ended up putting her clothes back on, leaving our friend to fuck this guy.   So this guy got closer to getting a threesome with my wife and our friend than I ever have.  To this day I still haven't gotten a threesome with our female friend, but she remains a good friend to this day.

I didn't know it back then, but even before the dick sucking lunch incident, Garfield and my wife had already fucked behind my back.  She left work early and went to his place.   His son was there, but he left to go play outside.  She said the next thing she knows they were kissing, and the sex "just happened".  (Can you tell "just happened" is her favorite phrase?)   I told her a married woman doesn't "just happen" to get off work early and "just happen" to end up at a single guy's house.  Clothes coming off don't "just happen".   I confronted Garfield about it, and of course he still denies it even though my wife has already admitted it.   I wouldn't normally use his real name, but he always tries to act like he is an honest, upstanding guy so screw it I'll use his real name.  We also found out that he's actually been engaged for a while, so he was cheating on his fiance the whole time he's been swinging.

So that's a total of two guys already that she cheated on me with before she even met Darrell, but of course I didn't know it at the time.





I know that was all BS....but at the time, it caught my attention.  After that I convinced my husband to do a hall pass, which in my mind meant going on a day long date and having incredible sex; but then ending with my husband.  The hallpasses extended to overnight and mine were all shared with Darrell at this point.  My husband changed between a couple of ladies.  The hallpasses seemed "too far away".  So Darrell and I made plans to meet in private.  I was going to take off work and meet him in a hotel.  Something inside of me would not allow me to follow through.  The next time we saw each other was at a house party.  Once he found out I had already been with another guest at the party he became angry.  He left after a short time and  I went about my night; after all I was not married to him.  Later he explained the reason he was so angry was because I was to be with him first and last at each party.  He was acting as if I was his woman.  At this point  I realized that I had allowed this to happen.  The exact thing I was worried about a single female pulling with my husband...was happening with me.  I knew I loved my husband and would not give him up for this man.  I knew in my heart, my marriage was in trouble; but did not want to admit to it....I wanted to keep "playing". 

My response:  Of course I had no idea about her secret plans to meet up with him, but I did notice at our second house party that seemed to be hugged up with each other a little too much.  Also I thought a hallpass was just supposed to be sex, but she had planned a whole romantic day with Darrell for the hallpass.  When I questioned her about it, she said it was because he's driving from so far away (2 1/2 hours) that she didn't want it to be just sex.  Once again this should've been another clue, but I was too caught up in the swinging to notice.   I did start to wonder though why these guys were acting like my wife was their girlfriend.....also in hindsight, I'm still pissed that she would offer these other guys threesomes, but I had to beg, borrow, and steal to get one.






The second man, Mark was the complete opposite of Darrell.  He was not aggressive, he appeared shy, and rarely would start a conversation.  His girlfriend Margret reminded me of my husband in the beginning.  She was pushing him into trying something he was unsure about.  She would text me and ask me to text him or send him naughty pictures.  My husband appeared very interested in Margret.  He talked with Margaret often trying to get us all together.  Once Mark and I did start to talk it was awkward.  He finally shared he was not sure how to do this and that this was all Margarets idea.  So I started sharing my stories and how it has worked for me.  I also shared I that I understood how he felt, as my husband was the one pushing for the swinging lifestyle too.  We exchanged some pictures to show our face and body in one shot; just to know if we even want to meet up.  We continued to talk a couple of times a week.  It progressively increased until we were talking or texting every single day.  We discussed our day, work, school, kids, parents, family and hardly ever talked about sex.  We were building a mental and emotional bond. 

He began to ignore his girlfriend Martha. He wouldn't follow through with sexual encounters she had arranged.  She noticed he now locked his phone and didn't call her anymore.  Once Margret expressed her concern to my husband, he began looking into our messages to see what insight he could get and could give her.  Mark and Margret split shortly after and as we continued to speak to them as individuals it continued to cause drama for us.  The husband and I agreed to not talk to them any longer.  Which we both broke.  Mark and I had become quite close and had decided we wanted to continue to talk and we needed to meet in person.  To have a face to face conversation. Before we were able to meet my husband and I had quite a disagreement and I pulled the plug on swinging. I was done with the drama, I was done with everything.  Mark and I however, still wanted to meet and were still talking.

 One Saturday right before I was to take a final, he text me that he was on his way to town to meet with some friends and talk about relocating.  He wanted me to meet him downtown for a drink.  This was the same night that my husband and I were to go to a house party; but since we stopped swinging we did not go. My desire to see Mark overruled what my husband and I had discussed.  I reached out to my co-worker Sue and asked her if she could meet me for a drink.  I explained to her I was meeting one of our swinger friends.  So after my final I only mentioned having a drink with my girlfriend/coworker, I did not mention that I was meeting Mark.  Once he arrived, Sue left and Mark and I had a couple of drinks.  He asked me to come along and meet his friends; but I knew I had to get back home and couldn't be out late.  We went to his room so he could change.  Well, one thing led to another and we had sex.  Then we talked; which lasted longer than the sex did. 


My response:  Okay this Mark guy really wasn't shy at all, it was all just an act.   He's a member of Omega Psi Phi so he sure as hell isn't shy.   Even though he told my wife he didn't really want to be a swinger, he was still trying to get Margaret to give him a threesome.    No you know why I say most of the single swinger guys ain't worth shit because it's all a game to them.

I remember the night she saw him very well.  She had her final that day, and then got ready to go meet her friend.  I even told her how nice she looked before she left the house.   She actually had the nerve to tell me I should go out to the strip club or something with my friends that night instead of just sitting at home.   She wasn't gone long at all that night so I really didn't think anything of it.  I do remember that night she seemed to be kind of cold towards me.   And of course one thing didn't just lead to another.  She purposely went with him to his room because she wanted to see him take his shirt off since he's in really good shape.  Then she started to give him a shoulder massage.  I shake my head as I'm typing this, as this was NOT the woman I married, and I couldn't understand why she wanted to please all these other guys, but I had to fight tooth and nail to get a threesome from her.





Weeks passed, we continued to talk, and he invited me to meet with him for a training he was having.  I had started to feel guilty; but quickly would justify it in my mind with this being "my husband's fault".  To help my conscience I had confessed to a "friend" in the lifestyle we often played with.  I chose her because we were close, saw each other often, and because she had shared that she had an affair on her husband for 2 years; so I thought she would get it and side with me.  Shoot she not only sided with me; she wanted to join in with me.  The day I was to meet Mark was weird.  He called and needed to meet later; which wouldn't work for me as I had to be home like "normal".  He then called and said to go ahead and come that he would leave early.  I again had that feeling inside that did not allow me to go.  What I did not know was that Margret had already told my husband about his training (as they were back together) and was expecting me to go see him.  So my husband was prepared for me to come home late because of meeting up with Mark.  But I did not go.

My response:  I remember this day too.  I came home from work and was surprised that she was home already.  By this point it had already come out that she was thinking of leaving me.   She said she just felt too much anxiety to go to work that day.   Then she said she wanted to go out and do something, so we went out to eat and to the movies.   Because I wanted to save my marriage, I was ecstatic that she wanted to spend some time with me.   Little did I know the real reason she was home was because her plans to cheat fell through.   I didn't find out about the training thing till later that week, so I would have never known.





My "friend" had shared with her husband that I was "falling" for this guy.  Well her husband Daron felt the need to inform my husband about the time Mark and I did meet up.  He believed I was going to leave my husband with nothing to be with Mark.  Daron did not want my husband to be caught off guard.  In all reality; I did not know what I wanted anymore.  I wanted the life that I had dreamed of having with my husband.  The life that Mark and I both discussed wanting.  I just didn't believe my husband was able to give me that life. A happy marriage, filled with passion for only each other, that was secure, with trust and respect for one another.  Those were the things I was missing in my marriage.  Those were the things I allowed my lust and swinging to steal. 

Finally with all this information my husband confronted me.  At first I panicked and lied as I had before.  It finally reached the point I no longer wanted to lie and be the woman I had become.  I wanted to be the woman I had been.  I told my husband about situations where I broke rules that he had no idea about.  I answered each question honestly, no matter how hard it was.  Although I felt better, my husband was crushed.  For the first time I saw the pain in his eyes.  I felt horrible and was expecting him to leave me.  We went to therapy together to work through our issue.  We agreed that we wanted to save our marriage. By cutting off conversation with Mark, I was able to focus again on my marriage, on my life, and on what I wanted/needed in my life.  At the end of the day all I really wanted was my husband.  I didn't want to share.  I didn't want to lose him.  I wanted to fight for or marriage and do whatever it took to make it work.

My response:  I remember this day well.   My wife was leaving me, and I was sleeping in the guest bedroom.  I just needed somebody to talk to so I offered to treat Daron for happy hour.  My wife seemed really interested in what time I was going to meet Daron, where we were going to be, etc.   She almost seemed nervous about me having drinks with him.    Daron told me how my wife was basically going to leave me high and dry after she got her student loan money.  Daron then told me that my wife had cheated with Mark, and how she was wanting to be with him.   It was like one of those moments where you feel like you are watching a scene in a movie and it's not really you.

I had been kissing her ass for a month straight making special dinners, surprising her with a weekend away, massages, etc.   I was fighting hard for my marriage because I felt like the swinging was all my fault.   I felt if I hadn't pushed her to swinging, we'd still have a happy marriage.  She was telling everyone that she didn't want to be with me anymore because I love swinging too much.    When the truth finally came out, I felt like a fucking IDIOT.   Here I was thinking I ruined our marriage, and in reality she was the one who ruined it by being unfaithful and falling for other guys.   When she came home from work, I asked her if she'd met Mark that one night.   She said yes, but they only had drinks.  I grilled her for about an hour straight before she finally confessed to fucking him, and also confessed to all of the other shit she had done.    I just shook my head at her.  

Who the hell was this woman, and what did she do with my wife?  I honestly never thought in a million years that my wife would ever cheat on me.  I found it ironic that she now wanted to save our marriage, when for the past month she wanted it to end.  Everyday for a month I would wake up in fear, wondering if that was going to be the day she was going to pull the plug on our marriage.   I packed up my stuff and stayed in a hotel over the weekend.    I went and spoke to a therapist that weekend, and I also read a very good book called "Not Just Friends" that did an excellent job explaining how and why cheating happens.






Regret is the biggest feeling I have had.  Not because we chose to swing, but because I allowed myself to get out of control.  I made it about me and my pleasure.  It was no longer about making him happy.  I do not know if he really ever felt it was for him.  I know he has shared how he has been "gypped", or feels like he is owed another threesome because of what happened.   If I could "go back" and do it differently; I would not do it at all.  We started with rules, no on the mouth kisses, no sex alone or in different rooms, no singles, no anal, no pushing each other to  be with someone we "aren't feeling".  Before I knew it the only rule we had was no meeting up alone and having sex without prior discussion and agreement by both of us.  And because I was so wrapped up in the lust and pleasure, I selected to do "whatever I want" and justified it in my mind to keep my conscience clear; or so I thought at the time. 

As the saying goes "Hindsight is 20/20".  Not everyone is capable of the lifestyle.  I am one who is not. That does not mean I am a "prude" by any means.  I enjoy sex, role playing and fantasy sex talk, I have no problem with clothing optional beaches, resorts, and swingers clubs.  I still enjoy watching and being watched.  I enjoy seeing my husband feeling free and happy nude on the beach or pool and chatting with others.  I had a misconception about these types of places.  I believed it was just one big orgy with people touching you without your approval, just because you were there.  Another misconception was that I believed single females would try to cause a problem and want to steal my husband.  What I found was the single men were the one's playing the game trying to get a woman away from the husband as if she is a prize to be won.  The single women thought like I did; and were not interested in anyone else's husband other than sex.

 Misconception 3 - being friends with the couples we selected to swing with.  I thought you could combine swinging with your normal life.  Meet people we could hang out with, have to our home for normal activities, and vacation with.  Most swingers are sex addicts who are only in it for the strange booty and nothing more. They may entertain you when they know it will end in sex, but once you stop swinging or no longer want to have sex with them, they drop off the face of the earth.  At first it was upsetting.  But what I realized is there are a select few who are true friends and respect our decision and are positive people to be around.  Yet another misconception is believing that the swingers lifestyle is all fun.  Granted there is a lot of fun; but with that does come drama.  You are usually combining alcohol, humans, and sex which equals some form of drama at some point from someone.   I found there to be far more drama in the swingers lifestyle than outside the lifestyle. 

So if you are contemplating joining the lifestyle consider all possible situations arising at some point.  Always keep the door of communication open with your spouse.  Always make special time for your spouse that does not involve the lifestyle.  Make and stand by the rules/expectations.  If you find yourself lowering your standards, changing your rules, not feeling any jealousy when your spouse is enjoying another woman (remember jealousy can be positive too), or keeping little secrets; you are on the path of destruction. Recognize it and address it with your spouse, no one else.  Keep your life private and separate.  Of course you will talk to potential sex partners and get to know each other; but keep it to a minimum.  Like I said there are a select few who will turn out to be a true friend.  When swinging starts to feel like more work than fun; it is time to take a break. And the most important piece of advice I can give you is to keep yourself in check.  Do not allow the passion/lust/desire to consume and change who you are.  Do not lose yourself to the lifestyle.  Do not live in a world of regret.  Rather a world of "remember when" and being able to laugh as a couple. 

My response:   I don't think most swingers are sex addicts at all.    Most people just do it to add a little variety to their sex lives.   One thing I have discovered though is there are a LOT of married or attached women that end up going behind their husband's back, way more than you think.   Like my wife said, most of these people you're fucking don't care anything about you.   Sure they'll be your friend as long as your giving up pussy and dick, but the moment that stops most of them will disappear.   We had a few couples that we really considered our friends fall by the wayside and not want anything to do with us anymore, even though they said they cared about our marriage.   Swinging is like anything else, it needs to be done in moderation.

Ultimately I chose to forgive my wife, because to my knowledge she never cheated until we started swinging.   I also became a stronger person for it, and I now know that being a nice husband who lets his wife have her way most of the time is NOT how a relationship should be.   I've realized now that my happiness is JUST as important as hers, and I nowhere as naive as I used to be.   My best advise is if your gut is telling you something is wrong, don't ignore it.  

We still have our ups and downs.   There are days where I still feel like she had all this fun, and she should give me a threesome to make up for everything.   Then there are times where I think "Of course she doesn't want to swing anymore, she got to fuck everybody she wanted to, and I should go out and have my own fun."   Even if I cheated out of retaliation, it still wouldn't really make me feel better in the long run.  My wife knows that I will not tolerate even the slightest hint of infidelity again, or I will leave so fast it will make her head spin.  Those nights I spent in the guest bedroom, some of them I spent reading the Bible and asking for forgiveness for ruining our marriage before the truth came out.  I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't forgive my wife when she was asking for forgiveness.   I feel like our marriage is stronger now, and I'm definitely a stronger man for what happened.