1. Take breaks
It is imperative that you take some breaks time to time from swinging. This is the one thing that couples often forget to do. Breaks are important in my opinion because swinging should not overtake your life, and it should not overtake the connection you have with your partner. Taking a break allows you to re-establish your connection with each other and give each other undivided attention. After you've been playing for awhile, taking at least a month long break to focus on just each other.
2. Your partner is your primary focus
Swinging is fun and exciting, but never lose focus of the fact that your partner should be the one getting the majority of your attention. Relationships take work and energy. Don't spend more time and energy trying to find swinging partners than you do on your relationship. Also, beware of people who appear to be too needy or always want your attention. Remember you are NOT in this to have a new girlfriend or boyfriend, you already have one of those, and it should be made FIRMLY clear to everyone. There are lots of cases where single people start getting emotionally attached and start trying to steal your mate away. I've witnessed it, and I've also experienced it firsthand.
3. Clear and honest communication
If you follow no other rule, this is the main one to follow. You MUST be able to communicate with one another about what you are feeling, your likes and dislikes. If something happens during the course of swinging that you don't like (and it will, trust me) speak up and tell your partner. If your partner did something that upset you, don't come at them in an accusatory manner, because that will just make them defensive. One of the biggest mistakes we made while swinging is not having open communication. There were times where she wanted to stop swinging, but didn't say anything because she thought I would be unhappy. There were times where I didn't want to share her anymore, but didn't want to ruin all the fun she was having. It's important that you communicate and respect each other's feelings.
A great way of doing this is after you've been to a party, had people over etc, lay in bed with each other and have an honest discussion about how things went. It's important to feel like you can be honest and forthcoming without the other getting mad. Learn to confide in each other and not other people. Once you start confiding in others about the things you don't like, you're headed for trouble, especially if you start confiding in someone of the opposite sex.
4. Women need to make sure their guys are happy
The most successful swinging relationships are where the female half of the couple actively participates in finding women for her man to play with. On the surface, it sounds a little one-sided like the man is getting all of the fun in this arrangement. Remember though, there are 2 to 3 times more single guys for a woman to play with than there are single females. When a female is too busy doing her own thing instead of making sure her guy has fun too, this will lead to a lot of frustration and resentment.
5. Beware of hallpasses
A hallpass is when you let your partner go off and have sex with another person without you around. When my wife and I would have a hallpass, we would make sure that it was on the same night for both of us, so one person wasn't just sitting around wondering what the other was doing. In hindsight, these hall passes were a BAD idea. Having one on one time with someone of the opposite can lead to lots of different things that can be disastrous to your relationship. Being alone with someone allows for the opportunity to become emotionally close to someone, and that's never a good idea. It hurt our relationship, and we've also witnessed it destroy other marriages. Be extra careful allowing your partner to have a hallpass with a single person. After sex cuddling and things like that should be reserved for your spouse or partner.
No comments:
Post a Comment