In my previous blog I covered all of the benefits of swinging. Now I'll go over some of the negative aspects of swinging that people don't talk about.
1. If you have problems in your relationship, swinging will highlight those problems and make them worse.
Swinging is absolutely NOT a cure all for your relationship. If you have major problems in your relationship, you should avoid swinging all together. If you have a jealous personality, are insecure, don't spend enough time together, are not truly in love or have any other major issue, swinging just makes the problem worse. I remember one time we invited this couple over for some fun with us and another single guy. Well this couple obviously was having some problems, and they actually started arguing in front us. Talk about awkward.
2. STD's
Although most swingers are very strict about using condoms, this doesn't mean you're going to be completely immune from catching an STD. Most of us don't use condoms or dental dams when engaging in oral sex so you can still catch something. No need to really go into detail with this one, but just be aware some people have caught an STD while swinging.
3. Your woman will get way more action than you
This is something that guys need to seriously consider. There are WAY more available single guys in the swinger world than there are single females. When I say way more, I mean there are literally 2 to 3 times more guys available. As a matter of fact, single females in the swinger world are often referred to as "unicorns", and for good reason. It will take you a day at most to find a single male to give your wife a threesome, but it took almost an entire year for us to find a female to give me a threesome. We've all run across females that are flaky when trying to date; well they are just as flaky when you're looking on swinging websites. When you attend a swingers party, your wife will have PLENTY of guys to choose from and hook up with, while you may only have two prospects. This can lead to a lot of frustration if you don't know this before you get started. Trust me I know from personal experience.
4. There are lots of guys that are better-looking than you.
To piggyback on number 3, not only are there more guys, there will plenty of guys who are in better shape than you are, handsome, and they may have bigger dicks. Sometimes it is not easy watching your woman have sex with a guy that looks like he should be on a porno set, especially when you don't have many options available to you. To compound the issue, most of the women you get to have sex with will NOT look better than your wife.
5. Cheating
You would think that cheating wouldn't occur when people are swinging. You're thinking that you get the best of both worlds. You still get to have sex and be with your loving woman, plus get to have sex with other attractive people. Why mess that up with cheating? See, that's your Nice Guy logical mind coming into play. Well all know that the Nice Guy's logical thinking doesn't play out the way we think things should. Surprisingly it seems to be the women who end up cheating. They end up starting to get emotionally attached to someone they like having sex with, and the rest is history. Oh....I get it. Your woman will never cheat on you in a million years. Here's something you need to understand. ALL women are capable of cheating, and no relationship is completely immune from cheating. Let that sink in for a moment.
ALL WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF CHEATING.
Whether she does it or not is a completely different story. Sometimes all it takes though is the right opportunity and situation for it to happen. I can speak to this first hand as it happened in my relationship, and I never thought in a million years my wife would cheat on me. Neither did she for that matter and we almost ended up divorced over it. I know of this happening to other couples as well. Also be aware that cheating isn't just physical, it can be mental. I can admit that I also started to develop an emotional connection with one of the females I had sex with.
6. You may start to lose your connection with your partner.
This one also piggybacks off of the cheating issue. We all know how thrilling it is to get attention from the opposite sex. I found that I was spending an enormous amount of time online searching for new people to have sexual fun with. I also found that my wife started texting me less and less each day while she sent texts to other guys. I was so focused on trying to get another threesome, that's all I seemed to focus on. Where we used to normally talk about different things, most of our conversations now revolved around swinging. All of our free time seemed to be spent trying to find new sexual partners, attending or hosting sex parties, and sexting other people. It got so bad at one point, I remember one night we were both sitting on the couch beside each other, both texting other people.
There's only so much emotional energy people have, and when some of that energy is spent on other people, that leaves less energy and emotion for your relationship. I know of one couple that is getting divorced after 20 years of marriage because they were having more sex with other people than they were with each other. It's hard enough for a marriage to survive normal stressors, and adding swinging to it just opens up a new can of worms. When I say that my wife and I almost divorced, I literally mean we were a gnat's ass hair away from it happening. She had already got her own individual cellphone line, and already had money saved up to get her own place. That's how close we were to splitting up.
7. It's addictive
Swinging is highly addictive and once you start, it may be almost impossible to stop. My wife and I are living proof of this. It's exciting meeting a new couple for drinks to see if you click. After we tried it for the first time, we said we didn't want to do it again. Then a few months later my wife was mentioning it again. Every time we said we were going to take a break from it, we found ourselves getting sucked back into it because we missed all the sexual excitement and attention. I look back now at the countless hours I spent browsing websites for prospects and its honestly a damn shame. I spent hours a day that could have been devoted to finishing my degree, looking for a new job, working out, or just reading a book. I would even be on my cellphone at work, constantly checking for new people. Even now that we don't swing anymore the temptation is still there, but we both realize that it didn't work for us, and it nearly cost us our marriage. Once Pandora's box is opened, its hard to close it back up.
Now that I've laid out most of the pros and cons, you can decide if swinging is really right for you. Just weigh the options carefully before you decide to dive in and try it.
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