So you've confronted her about the cheating, so now what? If you don't plan to stay with her, you should have the closure you need to kick her to the curb. But what if you want to try and work things out? Now here comes the hard part.
One of the worst things about cheating is that the "other" guy just gets to go on living their life while you are left dealing with the fallout from everything. You're emotionally devastated and left to pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship. There is a glimmer of hope though, because oftentimes once an affair is discovered, even if the cheater was planning on leaving you, people often get snapped back to reality and have a "What the hell was I thinking" moment.
The very first thing that you should demand is that they cut off ties with the person (people) they were unfaithful with. This means they need to delete and block the person's email address, as well as phone number. If necessary, I suggest having your woman call the guy one last time with you in the same room and letting him know it's over. If you know who the person is, you may want to send them a text or phone call as well to let them know that you know what happened. In my case, I knew who each of the guys was (they were people we met while swinging) so I told them they were not to have any more contact with my wife. Actually what I think I said is that I would crack their skull open if they spoke to my wife again, but that's besides the point. If the offending person happens to also be in a relationship, you may want to let that person's better half know as well.
One thing you will want to avoid is an in-person confrontation with the guy. You may think you'll be calm and collected if you were to see the person, but what will likely happen is your blood will start boiling and you may go into a fit of rage, and it will end up in a fist fight. Or worse, what if you end up in jail over starting a fight....guess who'll be having sex with your woman while you're locked up? Worse yet, we've all heard of stories where a fight turns into someone getting stabbed or shot. One of the guys I confronted DARED me to come meet him. I knew exactly where he was going to be, and it took everything within me not to go and want to hit him over the head with something. Just don't do it.
Also, as a man your very next instinct will be to try and line up some side booty for yourself. You're thinking that she got to have all of her fun, why shouldn't you? I know how you're feeling because that was my very first thought when I found out about everything. As bad as you want to, DO NOT CHEAT out of revenge. The thing is you may get your revenge and hurt her back, but that's only short-lived. In the long-term you damage your relationship and make reconciling that much harder. Trust me, you're going to struggle with feeling like this for a long time, but I beg you not to cheat.
I would also suggest that you two examine your roles in what happened. Now I'm not saying that her cheating is your fault, because it absolutely isn't. But you may have played a slight role in what happened. Perhaps there were subtle clues along the way, but because you're a Nice Guy you didn't wanna rock the boat or risk upsetting her. (Raising my hand on this one) Perhaps a slighter offense occurred earlier (maybe you found out she went to lunch with a guy) and you didn't come down on her hard enough when it happened because you're too nice of a guy. I am a firm believer in that we teach people how we want to be treated, and sometimes when people push boundaries and we don't respectfully push back, we let that person know it's okay to push the boundary even further. A few (or many) sessions with a therapist can also open the door for honest dialogue.
Ultimately, it may take months or even years for you two to repair the relationship. In some cases you may think you want to work things out, but months later you decide that you just can't forgive what happened. Triggers are going to occur every now and then for no reason at all. One guy is a firefighter in a different city, but seeing a firefighter on TV is something that can trigger me to get mad again. Every couple's journey is different, and what path you take is up to you.
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