One of the most emotionally damaging sentences in the English language. Women may not come straight out and say it in those exact words though. It may be disguised as "It's not you, it's me" or "I just need some space and time to figure things out". It can come out when a friend asks your woman if she is still in love with you, and her answer is "Well, I love him". Either way it all has the same meaning. Also by the time a woman actually says something like this to you, she's been feeling like this for a while and she has already told her friends and possibly family members. Usually everybody will know what's going on EXCEPT for you.
From time to time I do like to share books that I've read that have helped me make the transformation from "Nice Guy" to "Not So Naive Guy". One of the BEST books I can recommend is called the Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. ALL men should read this book, but in particular married men, or men in long-term relationships. Let's see what Mr Kay has to say about this subject:
Having your wife tell you "ILYBINILWY" (I love you but I'm not in love with you) is about the largest red flag that your relationship is in trouble. A woman can have minimal "in love" feelings for the husband and just coast along for years with no apparent cause for concern. But once a new man enters the picture who flips her dopamine switch on, things can unravel between a wife and her husband very quickly.
So when a wife tells a husband ILYBINILWY that usually means there is another guy she has feelings for. Not only that, but she is usually trying to actively find a way to exit her primary relationship and enter a new relationship with her lover. In blunt terms what she means by saying ILYBINILWY is some combination of "I'm leaving you for him", "I'm thinking about having sex with him", "I'm having sex with him but I still want to live with you, is that okay?", and "I think I might be pregnant, I don't know whose baby it is".
ILYBINILWY is also used as female code for some combination of "I have no clue how to make this decision" and "Are you going to fight for me?" The other reason a wayward wife may say this is because it is a delaying tactic to avoid the husband acting pre-emptively to end the marriage, kick her out, or take other action against her.
I don't know about you, but I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach when I read that for the first time. If you've ever had a woman tell you this, you probably feel the same way. I'll cover a few more nuggets of this book in a blog later today.
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