Dealing With a Sexless Relationship

In my previous blog, I mentioned the book Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay and why it's such a great book.  Here are a few more snippets on why I think this is such a great book:

I am of the firm belief that in sexless marriages, the spouse who denies sex is cheating the other out of their marriage agreement.  I use the word "cheating" purposely here, and see it as minimally different from an "affair".   The marriage agreement is one of meeting each other's sexual needs.  A spouse who goes outside the relationship for sex denies the cheated on spouse their half of the marriage agreement.  A spouse who denies the other reasonable sexual access cheats the other out of their half of the marriage agreement.  

If you became the customer of cable and they came and hooked up your neighbor's cable, or refused to hook your house up but still demanded payment, how long would you tolerate that?  You would immediately demand the company stop billing you for your neighbor's cable and come hook it up at your place, or you would threaten to no longer be a customer.  Whatever you do though, you shouldn't keep passively paying the cable bill, hoping to get cable one day.

For you guys out there who are in relationships like this, I know you cringed reading that.   But see why I think the book is so good?   He has a great way of explaining things that make sense.  Luckily I've never been in a relationship like that, but for the life of me I can't understand understand why a guy would be okay being in a relationship where they only get a few crumbs of sex per month.  Here's something else to ponder:

 This may come as a surprise to you, but your woman has a sex drive.  As long as there's not some kind of medical issue or childhood abuse issue, it's there.  Women love sex, they are just awfully good at hiding it sometimes.   

Husbands discovering affairs are hurt at the deceit of the affair, but are also often shocked at her sexual response to her lover.  The same husband who angrily complains that "She just lies there and never does anything" can barely comprehend the hidden camera evidence of her squealing and bouncing on top of some guy.  "She said blowjobs were disgusting!".   But there she is, head bobbing up and down and moaning.  It's a cruel stab in the chest to suddenly understand that what she meant was "Giving blowjobs to YOU is disgusting".

Take a long look at your darling bride for a moment.   Unless there is something medically or psychiatrically wrong with her, SHE LIKES SEX.  Think about that for a moment.  She likes sex.   It's in her DNA to like sex.  Your wife is from a long line of sluts.

So the bottom line here guys is that you have NO reason staying stuck in a sexless relationship with someone.   Stop rewarding her bad behavior, and go buy the Married Man Sex Life Primer.