Aftermath of Swinging: Part II

We went out with one of my wife's co-workers and her husband this weekend.   Now based upon some of the things she has told my wife, I figured they were probably swingers.   Like they bought a hot tub a few months ago, and they said that for "some reason" recently everyone's just been getting naked while they're in the hot tub, but nothing sexual goes on.   Yeah...for "some reason"...LOL.    Anybody that's been swinging before can easily figure out why people are getting naked, and of COURSE some sexual stuff is going on.

So after the wife and her were both drunk, she let the cat out of the bag that they've been dabbling around with swinging some, but its mostly been with single females.   She said they've done everything EXCEPT actual intercourse.   She's at the point now where she feels like he's had enough fun with the females, and its time for her to have a little bit of fun with a guy.   My wife confessed that we used to be swingers, but it just didn't work for us.   They were both right to be a little cautious about telling a co-worker about their personal lives, because we all know how gossip in the office place spreads like wildfire.  My wife did not tell her co-worker why we stopped swinging, because that's a little too personal.

So of course I've mentioned how in previous blogs how swinging really messed up our marriage.   So of course all that conversation got me thinking about it again, and I started getting a little moody.   Why did it have to be MY WIFE out of all people that messed up...why couldn't it be somebody else's wife?   How come all of the other wives go out of their way to make sure their man is satisfied FIRST and mine wouldn't?  It just reinforces my idea that the only way swinging works for couples is to either ONLY play with other couples, or the woman needs to find single females for her husband first before any single males are introduced into the picture.

So the co-worker asked my wife if we still "play" here and there.   We did have a little cookout recently, where I saw my wife give a guy a kiss.  My attitude now is that if I see my wife doing something, I'm going to do something too, because I refuse to miss out on anymore fun.  So later that evening I started fingering that guy's wife under her skirt.    My wife told her co-worker no, that she loves me too much to let something come between us in our marriage again.   She said it would be one thing though if we were around a couple that we trusted, and it "just happened".   Then I started thinking....Oh hell no.   My thing is, if we were to ever sexually play with other people again, I feel like I am at LEAST owed a threesome with another woman to make up for all the cheating she did while we were swinging.  I told her my thought process behind it all, and she said "Oh well I'm just fine with not doing anything."

So basically us playing with a couple down the road would okay, but I am never getting another threesome.   Why should she get to have more fun again, even if its with another couple when she had plenty of fun without me around?    I know it's a stupid, and maybe even selfish way to think....but I can't help it.   What do you guys think...do you think I'm wrong for thinking that way?

I am not budging on this either.   Sorry, but penance must be paid before there is any possibility of future fun.  Why should the single females be eliminated from our fun, they didn't cause any problems, it was the single DUDES that were the problem.  When we started swinging, she became a selfish person, and I do think it's still a little selfish to not want to make things up to me.   

Even still, sometimes I do miss the rush of excitement that swinging introduces to your relationship, and I do miss some of the people we've met.   Kinda sad that once we stopped swinging, most of the people don't really talk to us anymore.  I sure as hell don't miss all the frustration, back-stabbing single guys, lies, and blows to my self-esteem that came along with swinging.   It's been months now since everything came out, and I'm still having a hard time dealing with it.   I always prided myself on being a very strong person mentally, but this whole thing has really fucked up my self-esteem and my way of thinking.   I've had to dive head first into things like the Law of Attraction, Cognitive Based Therapy, and other methods of dealing with my negative thought processes lately.   In a twisted kind of way I'm sort of glad it happened because it was the final deathblow for Mr Nice Guy.

And by the way, there is no such thing as something "just happened" when it comes to swinging or sex.   A deer running out in front of your car is something that "just happens".     Taking your clothes off does not "just happen."    Giving somebody a blowjob doesn't "just happen, and a dick going into a vagina sure as hell doesn't "just happen".   That all happens because both people WANT it to happen.  Saying something "just happens" is basically not accepting responsibility for what you WANTED to happen. 

I used to have the urge to cheat out of revenge for what happened, but ultimately cheating never solves anything.   If you cheat out of revenge, all that really does is take some of the heat off your partner for their cheating, and then you really can't be angry with them for doing it because you did the same thing.     Also cheating in itself is a recipe for drama, and you could potentially put your partner at risk.  You never know what type of person you're dealing with emotionally when you cheat.

Let's just say one of the guys my wife cheated on me with REALLY wanted a relationship with my wife and got pissed off because she wanted to work things out with me.   Who do you think they're going to take their anger out on?  Me, that's who.   Out of four guys, three of them have our address so it would be quite easy to catch me walking to my car going to work one day or some other crazy shit like that.   It all sounds ridiculous but you have NO idea what a scorned lover is capable of.   The news is full of stories of scorned lovers (both men and women) who go ape shit and turn violent.  

So here we are, still dealing with the aftermath of everything that happened and I'm left dealing with the scrambled thoughts that go on in my head.   Truth be told, maybe it's time for me to a little bit more selfish about the things I want out of life.   If I'm being 100% honest with myself, if I had been a little more selfish when it came to some of the single guys, a lot of our trouble could've been avoided.   I had a gut feeling about some of these guys that told me they were bad news, but I wanted to be nice and make sure my wife had some single guys to play with.  Big mistake.   Your instincts are there for a reason, I've just gotta learn to trust mine better.