263.2 fucking pounds.
At the age of 37, I am literally the heaviest I've ever weighed in my entire life.
I am 5 foot 9, and I weigh 263.2 pounds. My only saving grace at this point is that I do have a tiny bit of muscle mass so I don't look like a complete lard ass, but this is downright pathetic. I have to be brutally honest here. Looking at myself in the mirror lately, it's honestly no wonder my wife starting being more interested in other men while we were swinging, and it's no wonder we had such a hard time finding single women to play with us. I know all of that sounds incredibly harsh, but sometimes the truth is like shining a bright light at someone who's been in complete darkness for months. Yes it hurts, but it's necessary.
I've always been on the chubby side. Even when I left the army and was in the best shape of my life I weighed about 210 lbs. Even when I'm at 235 I can still at least run 3 miles on the treadmill, but at over 260 lbs today, there is just no damn excuse. One of my first blogs on here was me talking about how working out was the single, most important thing a recovering Nice Guy can do, and I obviously haven't been taking my own advice. Know what else really sucks about gaining weight as a guy? I swear that my dick has shrunk at least 1/2 an inch. I've heard stories about how if a guy loses more than 20 lbs his dick can appear bigger, and I never believed it until now....LOL. I told you I was gonna keep it real with my blog. Seems like all this extra fat is making my dick look smaller. I guess that's why you don't see too many fat guys doing porno.
Lately I've been studying the "Law of Attraction" and have been trying to incorporate some of the principles into my own life. It hasn't been easy, as most recovering Nice Guys like myself are used to self-doubt all the time. The old saying of "We are what we think about" seems to be the main point here. It does seem to work in some regard though, as the most successful people are usually the ones who are positive thinkers.
One of the main tenets of the Law of Attraction is to act like you've already achieved what you desire. So that means you need to imagine how it would feel to truly reach your goal. What would your emotions be like? How would you dress? What kind of house would you have? Most people have trouble with this because we are so used to thinking about the things we want not happening. A key example of this for me would be how badly I wanted a threesome while we were swinging, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking we were never going to get it. It's like walking into a dealership to buy a car, but then thinking that you aren't going to get one.
I had a major breakthrough last night though. I was lying in bed half dozing off and I started imagining what my life would be like if I was 60 lbs lighter. I pictured myself walking around in better-looking clothes, and walking around smiling because I'd be much more upbeat and full of energy. I didn't just picture myself doing this, this time I actually felt like it was happening to me in real life. I also envisioned myself having much more confidence, and having a higher paying job because of that confidence. I felt what it was like to have a flat stomach and a buff chest. I actually felt how it would feel to have women checking me out as I walk by.
I kinda snapped out of my daydream, but I still had all of the good feelings that I associated with losing 60 lbs. It was really kind of strange, but I know in my mind now that getting in shapes is no longer something that I HOPE to do. It's something that I AM going to do, and I WILL lose this weight. Even in my head right now I'm picturing all of our swinger female friends asking my wife if they can have one last turn with me...LOL. This should be fun........
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