The Power of Negativity

So I was reading a book the other day and the author made a pretty interesting point about negativity.    He states that if you have negativity and resentment in your life, then you can't really expect to have a positive life.  He also said you need to forgive people who have wronged you in the past.    Forgiving doesn't mean you forget what they did, but it simply means you have learned from it and you are truly ready to move on.

If you're still angry and bitter over what someone has done to you, then not only has that person affected your past, you're still allowing them to affect your present, and that person probably isn't thinking twice about you.   You're still angry and bitter, and that person has moved on with their life.

This hit home for me because one of the guys my wife cheated on me with is still friends with a mutual friend of ours.    Every time I see his grinning face on Facebook, I want to grab a pipe and knock all his teeth down his throat.  But really, he doesn't give a shit about any chaos he may have caused...he's just going on with his life.   Most people don't mean to consciously hurt you on purpose, they are thinking only of their wants at the time, and aren't thinking of the ramifications of their actions.   If there's someone out there who made a conscious and deliberate effort to hurt you, they aren't worth your thoughts anyway.

I also had to do some deep thinking about my wife.  I said I've forgiven her, but did I really?    There were still moments where I felt like I was "entitled" to something because of her cheating, and there were still times where I would wonder why other people could control themselves but she couldn't?  There were times where I would go through her cellphone/email and lash out at anything I thought to be suspicious.     I realized that all I was doing was reliving the pain and anger all over again, and for what?   There is NOTHING positive that can come from constantly holding on to negativity.    

The first thing I did was to look my wife in the eye and tell her that I truly forgive her.   The second thing I did was to write the guy my wife cheated on me with and tell him that I forgive him.    Now I don't want to be his friend, and I really don't want anything to do with him because he still refuses to admit what happened.   Writing him was not for his benefit, but it was for mine.   It was not an easy thing to do, and I was admittedly gritting my teeth the whole time.    I have to admit though I felt a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders.   I didn't realize just how much negativity I was holding on to and it felt good to let it go.