Swinging From A Female Perspective: Part I

So I've been trying now for some time to get my wife to write about our experiences swinging from a female's perspective.    Here is Part I:

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How does a woman in a monogamous marriage agree to "play around" with another couple?  Well this woman did it to please my husband; initially that is.  But it ended with only thinking about me and my pleasure.

See I had shared early on in our relationship about my previous marriage and the threesomes I would have with other men and the threesomes my girlfriend and I gave to our men.  I shared this knowing he desired this type of woman and I wanted to be that woman for him.  But when I realized I did not want to share my amazing man, I began to feel guilt for no longer wanting to be that swinger wife.  For my husband it seemed that having this knowledge about my past made it difficult for him to understand my hesitance to allow others into our bed.  He often mentioned that "I did it for my ex" and I would feel guilty that I didn't want that in our lives.  While he was feeling I didn't love him enough.  I was feeling that I didn't want to jeopardize our marriage.

So after a few years of discussion and drama nearly non stop from my adult daughters, I agreed.  It was time he had another woman to spice it up and relieve the stress that had been building up.  The agreement was to find a couple to swap with while in Jamaica.  We agreed on the boundaries and agreed it would stay in Jamaica.  I have to say that Jamaica was amazing; but the sex we experienced was not even close to the fantasy we had created.  I found myself feeling angry that he could even get hard and perform. However, when we returned home and talked about having sex with others; it was more intense and exciting for me.  And at that point I decided it was time to meet some other couples.

First we built a profile on a site to meet other swingers.  We were only interested in other couples.  We had to agree on the other profiles before we added them as friends or communicated.  We had to agree on each picture we posted.  As time went on, we changed our profile.  We added single females.  We went to a few meet and greets and met some couples; but usually found one of us would be "taking one for the team". Which we agreed it had to be a win win situation to have sex with another couple.  Well after a while you just lower your standards some and add single males.  Our rules for sexual contact with others had gone from many to only 2 rules.  At this point I believe is where it all started to go wrong.