Non-Wifey Material

So a male friend of my wife's was talking about his latest "date".   Apparently he and a woman he met online agreed to meet for dinner.     At the end of the dinner the waiter asked if it would be all on one check, or on separate checks.   The guy said separate checks.

So the woman proceeded to go off on him.     She said that a real man wouldn't ask a woman to pay for her own meal, and that HER money was for herself and her kids.   She also went on and on about how her ex-husband would always pay for everything.    So the guy told my wife that he almost felt kinda bad, and is thinking about asking her out again and wanted my wife's opinion.    Of course he also said she's very good-looking.  To make matters more interesting, about a week later there was going to be some concert in town, and the woman called him and said he should buy two tickets so they could go.   He told her no, and of course he really hasn't heard from her since.

Is this guy delusional?   I'm not one to casually throw around the "B" word, but ummm.....bitch please.   I would've told her ass that she better get back with her ex if she wants a man to pay for everything while she spends her money on whatever she wants.   Why in the hell would he want to ask her out again?    She's already told him in not so many words that she is NOT wife material, and she certainly wouldn't be willing to help out with any bills if they were to enter into a long-term relationship.    No REAL woman would berate a guy for not picking up the entire tab if it's just a first meeting.    See this is why you need to ignore a woman's beauty, because it makes you start to 2nd guess your own logic.    No woman's vagina is worth that much hassle.

You should always ask yourself...if this woman was just average-looking, would I put up with her behavior? If your answer is no, then I don't care if she looks like Beyonce and screws like a porn star, get rid of her.



  

State of the Union

I've posted a lot here about some of the troubles we encountered while swinging.

I know I may have painted my wife out to be a bad person with some of the things she did while we were swinging.

We are working through things though, and it's been a long road back to the recovery of our marriage.    I have to give my wife credit for putting up with my moodiness, and my seemingly spontaneous moments of anger or sadness.    She has listened to me vent all of my frustrations over what happened and she's generally been supportive.  

One of the things we promised each other is that we would tell each other everything.   Like she has told me her fears of thinking I am going to cheat on her out of revenge, and I've told her there have been times where I felt that was EXACTLY what I needed to do.  Honestly, we should've had this type of communication earlier in our marriage.

So our "official" stance on swinging now is that if we're around a female or a couple we trusted and something happened that wasn't planned, then that might be okay.   It's just not something that we are actively going to seek out anymore, and I can really only think of one or two couples that something like that would happen around.  And NO single guys.

Oh and remember that swinger couple that we lost as friends because I told the husband that his wife had some ulterior motives?  So I ended up sending the guy a text apologizing for causing stress to his relationship.  Notice I didn't apologize for what I said.   He said he appreciates the apology, but they don't want any drama and we just need to lose their numbers.   So fuck it....the apology was really more for me than it was for them.  I certainly am NOT going to apologize to the female though.  She was the one person cheering my wife on and applauding while she was cheating, so I could care less about her.   Sometimes people just aren't ready to hear the truth, so he'll have to learn the hard way like I did.  

My First and Only Threesome

Finally.   Finally at the age of 36 I was about to get my first threesome.   I'd been trying for over 10 years to get a threesome with two women.   I was close to it a few times.  One time I had both women lined up and I'd gotten a hotel room in their city.   One of the ladies was gung ho about it, because she had always fantasized about being with a woman.   I called the other as I was driving down there and she said "You just seem way to happy about fucking another woman and I just don't want to do it anymore."   What the fuck?   Was I supposed to act like I was sad about getting a threesome?  So strike one for me.

Then there was a time I found a woman who was willing to give me one, but she said she wanted to be with me by herself for a few times at first.  (By the way fellas, NEVER fall for this trick...because that woman has ZERO intention of ever giving you a threesome)  So we had sex a few times, but she never gave me a threesome.  Strike two.

There was one night where I just KNEW it was going to happen.  The women already knew each other, and they had given other guys threesomes, and they both agreed to be at my apartment at a certain time one night.  Well one of them showed up, and the other stood us up.  DAMMIT.  Strike three.

So when my wife and I became swingers and threw our first party, I required all of the single guys to bring a female as a date.  Previously my wife and I hadn't had much luck in finding a single woman to play with, so I figured this would be a good way to meet some women.  I just couldn't figure out why it was so hard to arrange a threesome when all the other guys seemed to be getting them.  (Really in hindsight, my wife wasn't really trying that hard to find a woman.)   This guy that came to our party was pretty much an asshole, but I ended up getting his date's phone number.  I had already given my wife two threesomes with guys, and I felt like it was my turn.  I took matters into my own hands and I called the woman, and set up a date for her to come over.

That night I was super nervous and excited.   I kept thinking she might stand us up, but thankfully she showed up.  My wife was already wearing some sexy lingerie, so our guest got showered and put on some lingerie as well.   We talked for a bit and started having some drinks.   Our guest and my wife were talking about everyday stuff like work and I kept thinking "When are we all going to get naked?"  After what seemed like an hour of talking, I finally I put on a porno and we sat down on the couch to watch it.  About 15 mins later we were headed upstairs.   What better way to end the night than with one woman sitting on my face and the other riding me?   Or both of them giving me head at the same time?   That night was fantastic and I went to sleep with a great smile on my face.

That next morning we had some more fun as I ended up having anal sex with our guest while my wife was in the bathroom taking a bath.  I thought that night would be the beginning of many more threesomes for me, but sadly that was my one and only threesome.   Trust me I appreciate the fact that I finally got one, but when you experience something new and exciting, is one time really enough?

A threesome with two women should be on EVERY guys bucket list and you need to do whatever you've gotta do to make that happen.   It just takes a lot of patience and planning, but it will happen if you keep at it.  Hell it took me over 10 years to get one.  The difficult part is that if you as the male try to find the two women, you've got a long road to go.   Women are so damned picky, and it's a big hassle trying to find two different women who are going to be attracted to each other, with no personality clash.  It's much easier if the woman you are with finds the other woman for you.   Even better is if she has a freaky female friend that she trusts that's willing to help make it happen.   Even this can backfire too as females can be quite flaky at times.  We have a female friend that swore up and down she would do a threesome with us, but would always find some excuse not to do it, or would chicken out.   That's why I'm glad I ended up taking matters into my own hands because otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

Good luck fellas, and happy hunting!

  



   

Aftermath of Swinging: Part II

We went out with one of my wife's co-workers and her husband this weekend.   Now based upon some of the things she has told my wife, I figured they were probably swingers.   Like they bought a hot tub a few months ago, and they said that for "some reason" recently everyone's just been getting naked while they're in the hot tub, but nothing sexual goes on.   Yeah...for "some reason"...LOL.    Anybody that's been swinging before can easily figure out why people are getting naked, and of COURSE some sexual stuff is going on.

So after the wife and her were both drunk, she let the cat out of the bag that they've been dabbling around with swinging some, but its mostly been with single females.   She said they've done everything EXCEPT actual intercourse.   She's at the point now where she feels like he's had enough fun with the females, and its time for her to have a little bit of fun with a guy.   My wife confessed that we used to be swingers, but it just didn't work for us.   They were both right to be a little cautious about telling a co-worker about their personal lives, because we all know how gossip in the office place spreads like wildfire.  My wife did not tell her co-worker why we stopped swinging, because that's a little too personal.

So of course I've mentioned how in previous blogs how swinging really messed up our marriage.   So of course all that conversation got me thinking about it again, and I started getting a little moody.   Why did it have to be MY WIFE out of all people that messed up...why couldn't it be somebody else's wife?   How come all of the other wives go out of their way to make sure their man is satisfied FIRST and mine wouldn't?  It just reinforces my idea that the only way swinging works for couples is to either ONLY play with other couples, or the woman needs to find single females for her husband first before any single males are introduced into the picture.

So the co-worker asked my wife if we still "play" here and there.   We did have a little cookout recently, where I saw my wife give a guy a kiss.  My attitude now is that if I see my wife doing something, I'm going to do something too, because I refuse to miss out on anymore fun.  So later that evening I started fingering that guy's wife under her skirt.    My wife told her co-worker no, that she loves me too much to let something come between us in our marriage again.   She said it would be one thing though if we were around a couple that we trusted, and it "just happened".   Then I started thinking....Oh hell no.   My thing is, if we were to ever sexually play with other people again, I feel like I am at LEAST owed a threesome with another woman to make up for all the cheating she did while we were swinging.  I told her my thought process behind it all, and she said "Oh well I'm just fine with not doing anything."

So basically us playing with a couple down the road would okay, but I am never getting another threesome.   Why should she get to have more fun again, even if its with another couple when she had plenty of fun without me around?    I know it's a stupid, and maybe even selfish way to think....but I can't help it.   What do you guys think...do you think I'm wrong for thinking that way?

I am not budging on this either.   Sorry, but penance must be paid before there is any possibility of future fun.  Why should the single females be eliminated from our fun, they didn't cause any problems, it was the single DUDES that were the problem.  When we started swinging, she became a selfish person, and I do think it's still a little selfish to not want to make things up to me.   

Even still, sometimes I do miss the rush of excitement that swinging introduces to your relationship, and I do miss some of the people we've met.   Kinda sad that once we stopped swinging, most of the people don't really talk to us anymore.  I sure as hell don't miss all the frustration, back-stabbing single guys, lies, and blows to my self-esteem that came along with swinging.   It's been months now since everything came out, and I'm still having a hard time dealing with it.   I always prided myself on being a very strong person mentally, but this whole thing has really fucked up my self-esteem and my way of thinking.   I've had to dive head first into things like the Law of Attraction, Cognitive Based Therapy, and other methods of dealing with my negative thought processes lately.   In a twisted kind of way I'm sort of glad it happened because it was the final deathblow for Mr Nice Guy.

And by the way, there is no such thing as something "just happened" when it comes to swinging or sex.   A deer running out in front of your car is something that "just happens".     Taking your clothes off does not "just happen."    Giving somebody a blowjob doesn't "just happen, and a dick going into a vagina sure as hell doesn't "just happen".   That all happens because both people WANT it to happen.  Saying something "just happens" is basically not accepting responsibility for what you WANTED to happen. 

I used to have the urge to cheat out of revenge for what happened, but ultimately cheating never solves anything.   If you cheat out of revenge, all that really does is take some of the heat off your partner for their cheating, and then you really can't be angry with them for doing it because you did the same thing.     Also cheating in itself is a recipe for drama, and you could potentially put your partner at risk.  You never know what type of person you're dealing with emotionally when you cheat.

Let's just say one of the guys my wife cheated on me with REALLY wanted a relationship with my wife and got pissed off because she wanted to work things out with me.   Who do you think they're going to take their anger out on?  Me, that's who.   Out of four guys, three of them have our address so it would be quite easy to catch me walking to my car going to work one day or some other crazy shit like that.   It all sounds ridiculous but you have NO idea what a scorned lover is capable of.   The news is full of stories of scorned lovers (both men and women) who go ape shit and turn violent.  

So here we are, still dealing with the aftermath of everything that happened and I'm left dealing with the scrambled thoughts that go on in my head.   Truth be told, maybe it's time for me to a little bit more selfish about the things I want out of life.   If I'm being 100% honest with myself, if I had been a little more selfish when it came to some of the single guys, a lot of our trouble could've been avoided.   I had a gut feeling about some of these guys that told me they were bad news, but I wanted to be nice and make sure my wife had some single guys to play with.  Big mistake.   Your instincts are there for a reason, I've just gotta learn to trust mine better. 

Be Careful Who You Settle Down With

This week I was wondering what I would write about....life works in mysterious ways I guess.

My co-worker just came back from a week-long vacation in California.    I asked him how his vacation was.
He said it was shitty.   I was thinking how can a vacation in Cali be shitty?    Maybe it rained all week?

He said his wife had him thrown in jail.   I looked at him with a grin on my face, thinking he was playing but he just looked back at me with a deadpan stare.   Even then I still thought he was joking until he told me what happened.  

Basically they were both drinking in the hotel room and started arguing.   The argument got so loud that someone in another room called the cops.    He didn't touch her in anyway, but she had him arrested for "non-aggressive domestic disturbance".    No, I'm not making it up either.    Apparently California has some very "aggressive" domestic abuse laws.     So even though they were both intoxicated, both yelling at each other, he got taken to jail.

Oh but it gets better.   While he was in jail, she left California and left him stranded down there by himself.   He said he is filing for divorce this week and their house is going on the market.   Luckily for him they've only been married for about 2 years, and this is a no-fault state so no alimony will be paid.   It's also a good thing they don't have any kids, so it's a clean break except for the house.

I'd heard from a few other co-workers that she had a bit of a temper, but damn.   See fellas this is why one of the main tenets of the Commandments of Poon is to ignore her beauty.   She's a very good-looking Latina woman, but I've heard through the grapevine on more than a few occasions that they've had some pretty bad arguments, and this was before they even got married.   One question you need to ask yourself regarding women is:   If she wasn't so attractive, would I still put up with her?

Another Commandment of Poon that was broken in this case was Rule 15:  Maintain Your State Control.
Particularly the part that states "She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you."   I understand it's hard to think about this in the heat of the moment, but you need to try and keep calm and collected.    Don't make a habit of getting into a shouting match with your woman, because it usually doesn't end well.   That same woman who was spitting fire and raining down curse words at you will turn into a helpless, crying victim when the cops are called.  

Ever watch the soap opera "Young and the Restless" with Victor Newman?   I know, I know...we're men...we don't watch soap operas but just hear me out.   The main reason Victor is such a bad ass is because he always seems to be in control of himself.    He doesn't make any impulsive decisions and when others are pissed at him and start yelling, he just sits back with his arms folded and calmly tells them how it's going to be, whether they like it or not.    Save your shouting matches for when she REALLY fucks up, but otherwise "maintain your state control".

Moral of the story here boys, is be careful who you marry or enter into a long-term relationship with it.    If she starts showing her true colors and turns psycho, possessive, or any other intolerable traits, IGNORE HER BEAUTY and decide if it's something you want to put up with for the rest of your life.

Choose wisely.
      
          

Knock Her Off the Pedastal

So a longtime female friend of mine was telling me about this extremely good-looking guy in one of her classes, and how she gets super nervous around him.  Now my friend happens to be an attractive woman who gets lots of attention from guys, so its kind of ironic that she would get so nervous being around someone.

So many guys out there (and some women) put the person they are interested on a pedestal, and that's one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make.     Always remember the popular phrase of no matter how good-looking she is, there's a guy out there who is tired of putting up with her shit.   Guys out there get so caught up in how a woman looks that they don't realize she's a regular human being just like you are.

This same woman who you puts you in a mesmerizing trance every time you see her has just as many faults as you do, if not more.   That same woman farts just the way you do.  That same woman might get insanely drunk every weekend and puke on herself.   She could have piss poor credit, or be a deadbeat mom.    That same woman digs in her nose while she's driving her car.   That same woman can take a dump in the bathroom so foul-smelling it will make your eyes water.    Never put women an unapproachable pedestal, because at the end of the day she's really no different than the other women out there.  This circles back to Rule 10 of the Poon Commandments:  Ignore Her Beauty.

I gave my friend this exact same speech concerning her good-looking classmate, and the next day she sent me a text saying she actually had her first conversation with the guy.   Kudos to her for taking him off the pedestal she put him on.   Stop thinking that you aren't worthy of approaching someone just because they look a certain way.  What you're really doing when you put someone on a pedestal is you're telling yourself that you aren't good enough for them.

You're better than that.    If you don't value and love yourself as a person, don't expect anyone else to.

Hello There Neighbor

So I've always been a bit of a private person.   I usually prefer to have just a few really good friends and have everybody else be associates.    Being introverted is one of the things about myself that I've been trying to change for years, and I do recognize that it's good to have a bigger network of friends for social purposes, and it also helps for career purposes as well.    

One of the problems with finding friends is that the people we like to have over to our house MUST be open-minded and we must feel comfortable being ourselves around them.    Since we used to be swingers, it's not strange that we might have a cookout and a woman or two may flash their tits.   Or sometimes someone may want to smoke some weed.   Also if I'm in my own home drinking and it's a party, I'm likely to get drunk.   Not exactly something that everybody is accustomed to, and my wife and I certainly don't want to be getting drunk around people that are too "stuffy".

So in the spirit of trying to broaden my horizons and push myself out of my comfort zone, our neighborhood has a Facebook page and we decided to join.   From reading some of the posts in that group......we have some nosy ass neighbors.   I mean seriously one of them has a police scanner and sits around listening to it all day.   Then there were posts because a police car showed up to someone's house, and all the neighbors on the Facebook page were asking if anybody knew what it was about.   Seriously people?  When we had our daughters living with us, we had the cops show up twice because they got in fights (My wife and I weren't home either time) so I can only imagine what they think about us.  

I'm all about being cool with the neighbors, but something tells me I don't want any of these people in my business like that..  The neighbor that started the Facebook, of COURSE they are on the HOA board for our neighborhood, and of COURSE their kids are home-schooled.  I'm happy as hell we don't live beside them.    At our swinger parties this one female was always sooooo loud I would end up having to close the windows in our house.   I guarantee you they probably would've called the cops on us.   I can just imagine me telling the cops "No officer really, no one is being murdered.....she's just really loud when she has an orgasm".....

I'm halfway tempted to tell everybody on the Facebook page that we used to be swingers to gauge their reactions.   The ones that act shocked and appalled, we know to avoid those people.    Then perhaps we'll know the other ones are cool enough to invite over for drinks with our other friends.